03 January 2011

Top Ten

I'm leaving on a jet plane.  Don't know when I'll be back again. 
Heading out at 0 dark thirty in the morning to catch a flight to California.  Just trying to decide what to wear for my TSA appointment...  

As we roll/stumble/stagger back to work, I thought I would pass along an amusing (but true) list I got today.  First let me set up the back story.  Ever since junior went off to college in Austin 4 years ago, we have worked on ways to keep in touch with him to make sure he was doing ok.  During the parent orientation, the Campus Police handed out information to make sure everyone is safe and protects their belongings.  On of the services the Campus Police provides is an online listing of their blotter report of what has happened over the past week.  The report has become quite popular and the cops who write up the report have been know to inject their warped sense of humor/wit into the situation.  The report has grown so popular, that they now publish their "Top 10" reports for the year.  For those who have been there, these stories might seem familiar.  For those with kids in college, you might be wondering just how little Susie or Johnny have been spending your money.  For those with kids going to college, start hiding the tequila.  
Best Blotter Reports of 2010

Number 10
Suspicious Activity: A UT staff member reported a non-UT subject wearing a tan hooded sweatshirt and blue jeans appeared to be sleeping next to a tree inside a planter box. The subject did not respond to constant verbal encouragements to wake up. The subject continued to maintain its inanimate sleeping composure and refused to respond. Officers were soon to discover the subject was actually made out of last week’s news and glue. The papier-mâché mannequin was removed to a more appropriate location, the trash can. Occurred on: 3-31-10, at 6:39 AM.

Number 9 (two nominees)
Indecent Exposure: A UT staff member observed a non-UT subject “looking like a fool with his pants on the ground” exposing himself to several individuals waiting at the bus stop. During the investigation, the subject was located and was taken into custody for Indecent Exposure and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 8-26-10, at 8:07 AM.

Public Intoxication: A non-UT adult female was observed laying in a fetal position yelling and crying. The female became more emotional when she explained that she could not find her dad and her dad was mad at her for being an Aggie. The officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on her breath and noted other signs of intoxication. The subject was taken into custody for Public Intoxication and was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 11-25-10, at 7:43 PM.

Number 8
Public Intoxication / Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT student was discovered sitting on a bench while creating a Splash Zone that would have made Shamu proud. After she completed her physical reaction to the over consumption of alcohol, the officer noted the student was attempting to stagger back to the front doors of the dormitory. During the investigation, the officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol in addition to the wafting odor of vomit on the student’s breath. The officer learned the student had been to a local downtown establishment and could not remember how much alcohol she had consumed. The officer was able to determine the student was under the legal age of 21. The officer allowed the student to contact a sober friend to take care custody and control of her until she sobered up. Prior to being released to the sober friend the student was issued two court appearance citations for Public Intoxication and Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor. Occurred on: 12-03-10, at 1:14 AM.

Number 7
100 EAST 21st STREET
Public Intoxication / Disorderly Conduct (Fighting in a Public Place) ¬ 2 counts: A UT student and a non-UT subject were observed holding down and striking another UT student. The UT student who was being struck told officers he was very drunk as he had “way too much to drink” so he asked his friends to hit him. The student who was hit was indeed found to have consumed “way too much” as he was found to be intoxicated to the point he was a danger to himself. Occurred on 03/12/10 at 2:35 AM.
Crime Prevention Tip: I have heard of several urban legends to speed up the sobriety time frame; coffee drinking, cold showers and exercise just to name a few but being voluntarily assaulted is a new one to me. Makes me wonder why anyone would ever want to drink at all. The best advice I can give is to not drink and if you wish to consume alcoholic beverages, do so responsibly and in moderation or at least keep friends who do not hit very hard.

Number 6
Theft / Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor / Failure to Identify / Possession of more than One Valid DL: A UT Police Officer observed two UT students carrying two framed pictures. When the students observed the police vehicle, they quickly attempted to hide the framed pictured behind a tree. During the investigation, the officers detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the breaths of both students. Both stated they were pledging a fraternity and had wanted to make a name for themselves so they had been to another fraternity house located in the 2500 Block Nueces and removed the two framed pictures. As the investigation continued, one student informed the officers that he did not have his driver’s license with him and provided a name that was later determined to have been made up when the officer located the subject’s wallet. A wallet that contained two valid driver’s licenses. The student was taken into custody for Failure to Identify / Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor and was transported to Central Booking. The second student was issued a field release citation for Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor and released at the scene. Charges for Theft are still pending. Occurred on: 8-25-10, at 2:47 AM.

Number 5
Public Intoxication / Failure to Identify: A UT Police Officer observed a subject swaying back and forth as he was attempting to walk. The subject walked head first into a street sign and pole with enough force, he turned 90 degrees. The subject acknowledged the sign and apologized for running into it and continued his wobbling trek. The officer stopped the subject after he walked into a retaining wall. During the investigation, the officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the UT student’s breath. The subject handed the officer a California Driver’s License. The picture did not match the student. When asked about the license, the student could not remember the information printed on it. The officer soon discovered the subject’s true identify after being taken into custody for Public Intoxication. The subject was transported to Central Booking. Occurred on: 5-08-10, at 2:51 AM.

Number 4
Driving While Intoxicated / Failure to ID: UT Police Officers responded to a report of a collision involving a blue Chevrolet Cobalt. Upon arrival, the officers discovered evidence of the driver having suffered a severe physical reaction to the over-consumption of alcoholic beverages. That evidence was found on the driver’s pants and floorboard of the vehicle. The driver, a UT student, handed the officer her cell phone and affirmed the phone was her driver’s license. The driver stated she was “straight up driving.” This claim was proven untrue as her driving was anything but “straight” as she was found to have jumped a curb and struck a building while driving. The driver also proved she was not a Geography Major as she believed she was currently located at the corner of “Bourbon and Coke.” The driver was found to be under the influence of an alcoholic beverage to the point she was deemed to have been driving while intoxicated. A passenger in the vehicle, who was also a UT student, provided officers with a fictitious name and date of birth. When officers began to investigate the offense of failure to identify, that student exclaimed she had done nothing wrong and referred to her friend and driver of the car as the one who was drunk. Occurred on 03/19/10 at 2:33 AM.

Number 3
Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor: A UT Police Officer discovered a UT student sitting on retaining wall spitting after having had an extreme physical reaction to the over consumption of alcohol. During the investigation, the officer detected a very strong odor of alcohol on the student’s breath from several feet away. The student admitted to have visited several fraternity parties where he had consumed several alcoholic adult beverages. The officer soon learned the subject was at UT attending Freshman Orientation. The subject was issued a field release citation for Consumption of Alcohol by and a Minor as well as a referral to the Dean of Student’s Office. The student was released at the scene. Occurred on: 6-16-10, at 3:00 AM.
Crime Prevention Tip: Parents dropping you off for orientation. Meeting your future Longhorn classmates. Attending your first college party and then your first meeting with a University of Texas Police Officer. Starting off your college career on the right foot? Some may think that this was a good day at UT, while others know better. This student will now be required to do the following before the first official class day: Return to Austin to speak to a judge. Set up an appointment to speak with the Dean of Student’s Office. Surrendering his Driver’s License for a 30 day time period. Attend an 8 hours Drug and Alcohol Class while also doing 20 hours of Community Service. Then paying a fine and court costs. The hard part, letting your parents know.

Number 2
JESTER WEST DORMITORY, 201 East 21st Street
Criminal Mischief: A UT student reported another UT student sprayed air freshener into his container of jerky then threw a chair across the room. During the investigation, the officers located the suspect and learned the suspect was having a bad day. No charges were filed, but the suspect was referred to the Dean of Student’s Office. Loss value: $60.00. Occurred on: 11-15-10, at 9:10 PM.

NUMBER 1 (Two Entries Tied - Drum Roll)
Suspicious Activity: Two UT students reported hearing strange and disturbing noises coming from inside a secured 4th floor office. The students reported the noises were disturbing those students that were studying. During the investigation, the officers discovered two sheepishly smiling students inside the office. Occurred on: 3-23-10, at 12:32 AM.

Found Property: A UT staff member found a clear plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance inside a stairwell. The staff member quickly notified the UT Police Department The officer took care, custody and control of the baggie and secured it for safe keeping. Occurred on: 11-09-10, at 2:17 AM.
Commentary: If you or someone you know is missing a clear plastic baggie containing a green leafy substance please stop by the UT Police Department to claim it. After a brief chemical analysis the police will determine if you are allowed to possess this substance, we look forward to seeing you.


James said...

I've got to agree, this list is quite accurate lol.



For all your Jelly Shot Recipes!

meleah rebeccah said...


I am laughing SO hard right now I have TEARS running down my face. This is the funniest thing I've read all day. Holy, hilarious.

"For those with kids going to college, start hiding the tequila."


terri said...

Forget hiding the tequila! I'm keeping my daughter home from college!

I think my favorite is the student who "created a splash zone that would have made Shamu proud."

Abby said...

Yep... sounds a lot like college!

I'm glad to see these reports written with such wit and humor. A++ all around.