The long goodbye

I haven't posted much about my SIL lately.  Honestly, guys, it wasn't because I didn't care or want to share, but, the news just really hasn't been good.  SIL has been fighting the good fight and struggling against her cancer but the journey hasn't been easy. 

Julie went under the knife almost 2 years ago and it has been a struggle ever since.  A lot of infections, much pain, many trips back to the hospital.  

This past weekend we did our weekend trip across town to my brother's garage.  Sort of a break from the routine/rut but I think that Julie felt she needed one more last time with the family.  My son and his wife were down for the weekend and got to spend some time with her.  It was a good time but Julie was in a lot of pain and really not feeling well.  I think it was because she felt this was the last time she would be at the GRAJ.  We kept an eye on her and kept asking if she wanted to leave early.  We did finally pull out early and, on the way home, she and my wife decided that she needed to go to the hospital to try and see if they can do something about the pain.  She checked in late Saturday night and they diagnosed her with pancreatitis.  They were able to deal with it somewhat but she is in a lot of pain and is very tired.  They moved her to palliative hospice care to try and dial in her pain meds and she has been there all week.  My wife has been up there most days and I have been going up in the afternoons to sit with her and give her a little company.  She is struggling and discouraged and ready to go.  Her doctor friends have been by several times and have talked with us on the side and have been pretty honest with their thoughts/opinions.  Her chances of getting any better are pretty nil.  The cancer has metastasized into her lungs and has made it hard for her to breath.  We are headed up to the hospital now to sit with her and talk about what she wants to do.  Julie just turned 62 two weeks ago and the past two years have been very hard her and my wife.  We are preparing for the inevitable but I know this will devastate my wife.  I know that Julie has thanked me for being there this week but I feel really helpless.  All I can do is be there for her and her sister.  It is no longer a matter of if, but a matter of when.  Everyone asks if they can do anything but it is really in the Lord's hands right now.