It is still hard to ponder the loss, but we are trying to move past it. With the holidays fast approaching, it is hard to get into the Xmas spirit, but we are preparing for next week. It helps to be engaged in activities and work so as you do not have the time to dwell on the loss, but it has dampened my normal Christmas cheer. I have been actually writing a journal on Shadow and his memories (good & bad) to help me move past the emotions. I am ok for most of the day, but there are a few times that seem most poignant. Typically early in the morning and late in the evening are hardest for me. Those were the times I walked him, so I miss them most. Is it considered weird to keep up with the walks in the morning and evening? I honestly feel I owe him those times and will keep walking the block regardless of the weather. I consider it some kind of homage to his spirit. A few neighbors have noticed me walking with a dog leash and no dog and I try to explain it to them. At least it helps me deal with the memories. The hardest time I have is when I come home and he is not there to greet me. I guess that is what is making it hard for me when I head home after work. Saturday I went to pick his ashes up. It is kind of weird having your dog delivered to you in a sterile box wrapped in velvet. For a moment, you think you are looking at a bottle of Crown Royal. We are considering spreading his ashes in the backyard and park but will probably wait until after the new year. In some morbid way, it is comforting to have him back home. Trying to lighten our situation, I actually put him down in the middle of the floor in the den so you would have to step over him (just like we have done in the past). I’d like to think he would appreciate that. You have to find humor in life and, in my own way, I am dealing with our loss with the same attitude as I have when he was here. One day further down the trail.
Lest you think that this is getting to be a dirge-like, we are trying to remember the blessings he gave us. He had a tremendous impact upon our lives. I feel we were blessed to have him for so long and he brought us many memories of joy. In spite of any complaints I may have voiced, we are better off for having him as part of our family.
4 comments:
I'm glad to hear it's getting easier. Day by day... that's all you can do. We have Shelby's ashes too. We are keeping them. We are having a wooden box made to keep them in. She was so much a part of our family, just like Shadow was a part of yours.
I'm glad you're getting through this, one day at a time.
Domino, our dog that died earlier this year, was still relatively young and energetic before the cancer got him. He loved to run with me. Our other dog prefers just walks, so that's what we do, and I run alone now. Sometimes I swear I can hear Domino's tags jingling as I run.
When I have grieved (and believe me, I have grieved), I never wanted people to tell me that I'd feel better in time. But it really is the honest truth. It's such a relief to finally get to the place where you can think about the loss and SMILE about the good stuff instead of sink into that feeling of something being snatched away. It WILL come.
Got here through Abby. I'm sure I'll be back around!
terri/Abby/Beej,
Thanks for all of your words of comfort. It is good to hear from others who have walked this path. I know that the pain & sadness will pass with time.
I appreciate it...
Post a Comment