Life's Little Lessons

While dealing with the daily chores/meetings/projects (walking the dogs), I was pondering life's little blessings.  After 55 years wandering this globe, you tend to accumulate bits of information, some of which might actually be useful. This is something they don't teach you in school and I have picked up along the trail and I'd thought pass this along to you guys for free.  Some need no explanation. 

1. Don't scrimp on toilet paper.    
2. Never go cheap on dog poop bags. 
3. You will pay for cheap Tequila later 
4. Never pee on an electric fence. 
5. Look for a proctologist with small hands. 
6. Jalapenos burn twice. 
7. A freshly bathed dog will find and roll in something dead in the yard 
8. The amount of the vehicles involved in a freeway traffic jam is directly proportional to how late you are. 
9. If you find a pair of shoes that fit, are comfortable, are stylish,and are on sale, buy 5 pairs. 
10. The day after the warranty expires is the day it will break. 
11. Today is the yesterday you will look back upon fondly tomorrow. 
12. Duct Tape fixes everything.

Macht nichts

We are all a product of our life experiences. 

As I have grown older (not up), I’ve picked up a few sayings/expressions/phrases along the way.  Some from college, some from the Army (not all can be repeated in public), some from Germany, some from Scouts, some from work, some from home.  A number are a mishmash of German/French/Spanish/Army.  Even though I graduated from school many, many decades ago, I am always learning new things/expressions as I encounter new people and situations.   Occasionally, a few old sayings will crop up in my conversations with others as the situation presents itself. 

Of course, as I hear or encounter new expressions, I will make a mental note of the special ones for future reference/use. 

A few of the “jewels” I’ve collected over the years:

• That idea is like a fart in church (nobody wants to claim it)
• Busier than a one armed paper hanger with an itch (one of my favorites)
• If we were having any more fun, we’d have to pay admission to get in the door
• If Barnum and Bailey ever found this place, they’d throw a tent over it and charge admission
• Who’s in charge of this Mickey Mouse operation?  Goofy?
• That idea will float like a rock 
• That’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine (an old one)
• I’m not your momma (from the Scouts)
• You’ve mistaken me for someone who cares.  I’m a feeling kind of guy, not a caring one.  I feel bad, but I just don’t care.   (ref Grace Under Fire)   
• Sometimes you’re the bug, sometimes you’re the windshield
• Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail
• Sometimes you’re the dog, sometimes you’re the fire hydrant (my favorite)
• Time to cowboy up and get back in the saddle
• Time to put on your big boy pants
• That’s about as easy as herding cats
• The problem with the Gene pool is there aren't any lifeguards
• Ever stopped to consider some people’s existence is to serve as a warning to others?
• He’s got that seagull style of management down pat (flies in, dumps on everyone, flies off)
• Macht nichts to me (doesn’t matter to me)
• À  bientôt (see you later)
• D ‘accord (ok, or I agree)

Macht Nichts to me.  I used this earlier today in an e-mail exchange with a couple of engineers.  Most ignored it (I doubt they got it) but my buyer came to me on the side and asked me what the hell I said.  Sometimes I’ll lapse into my old Army expressions just to get a rise out of people. 

How about it?  Any expressions you use ad nauseum?  

À bientôt!