Friday, at last

The end of another three-ring circus week. It's been one of those weeks where retirement is looking better and better. I used to have a First Sergeant in my Armor company that, after a week like this, he would just look at me, shake his head and mutter, "One More Day to Retirement". One of the good things about coming home to two kooky dogs is, no matter how bad or long your day has been, they are always enthusiastic to see you.

One of the few pictures I took at the motivational seminar on Monday. Sitting about 25 feet from the speakers. One of my co-workers noted it was interesting to get up close to several big names that could have been (or might be) elected to higher office one day.

I always try to keep a sense of humor (it keeps me sane). So I am trying out a new feature: Joke of the week (I ain't got enough good ones to make a joke of the day). Some may be old, a few may be corny, many may be plagiarized. I got this one yesterday:

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.